▼TECKTONIK▼

never knew how to end this chapter of my misery.... i told him that i really felt that i should be deserving to get into the other place yet did not even slip his mind that i have talent in woodwind... i don't know how to settle this problem.... seriously this band has a huge mistake... i really never think that they are suppose to let music be our passion but then they are actually squeezing out all the shame agony and i had lost my trust in music when ever i hear them play.... my love is to play in the woodwind my passion would be leaving this school with all my musical capabilities..... yet it really make me eminently pissed at his decision.... i just act out that i am feeling ok in percussion but now it has make my stay in BGCB such a waste of my f-ing time..... now i came for the sake of friends and attendance... recently my sl just scold me because of my playing.... she don't know how i feel inside when i play the instrument... really i never felt so irritated by this type of matter... whenever i had lost trust i really cant do anything much to just shut up and let me get controlled by the puppet master who is pulling all my strings.... seriously i need a f-ing solution to end all my misery.... i feel i want to die right now but it is a small matter.... so tommorrow i would skip some of my class to think out a solution that really helps me..... yet if i skip class my teacher would lost hope and trust in me.... if i never run away i would be having this problem again in the future.... seriously why is it so hard to let me follow my passion instead of "the band need a lead mallet player" and btw im not a professional mallet player..... seriously i never felt this way when i had been playing the violin or the piano because it is what i want not what he wants from me..... seriously i need help....