▼TECKTONIK▼

did not knw how to react to all of my feelings...they wont run away nor they would just fade away... but now i'm pushing all of my friends to one side and just think that i am alone for once.. i really never know how to be confidence or just stand out from the crowd yet i use to be like that but now i have change alot in my attitude.... i become more restless, angrier, sad and sometimes happy... yet i had some real friends that i could count on.... they are: AZWAN, SHAHA , SHADDRINA , PEARLYN and JOVY .... they really help me and have some concern bout me so i wanna say thnks for everything.... so people been asking me why did i change my attitude and i really dont want to tell them why so i just told them is a freak accident... but actually is much stress from my friends and my band.... but band i had figure out the problem and wanting to tell the conductor the truth.... but in friends i dont knw how so i just want to be alone and see how it goes... so if i feel great without them.... i would just be on my own.... but if i have them it will cos me alot of disturbance in my life.... for me they are funny but yet very immatture like... why did i say they are immatture?.... they always think that violence will solve everything but actually it doesnt it only makes things worst.... so people if you are not happy just try to cool down and talk bout it see whether it helps or not if it doesnt.... just ignore them.... so if i have so much hate in my life why cant i just die?.... but i think i want to make a difference in my life so im trying my best to stay possitive but then i am very screwed up lately as i began to fight with my friends and ending up having a lousy attitude by loitering wit some of my brothers friends at school time.... started slacking on studies and much more but i never intended to be like this but then my teacher wanted to talk to me about my lousy attitude and i told them why cos i am under stress so much that i could not handle it....... but people ask me to share my feelings and toughts to make me feel better but then it only make much worse..... i alot of time think that when i kill myslef i would just end my pain..... so if u have any advice tell me personally as i hate it when people tried to make me feel better via email or craps.....